prezzies...

what a great way to wake up...

i hung my "flutterby" aka butterfly on my window grill to that i can have the "flutterby" fluttering ard when i wake up... hehe...


munch... munch... munch...

well, thank you everyone for remembering my birthday... hehe... some preview of my prezzies so far...

a bmw z4... flutterby... message in a "test-tube"... thanx e...

a card that flew all the way from UK... thanx adel... it was really a pleasant surprise...

crystal shelled xbox... well, i guess my home isn't that boring now with the xbox... it used to be boring cuz the main activities at my home would be cooking, watching movies, playing 1980 games and listening of deejay ect playing his oldies... yay, more ppl can camp at my place liao... but i've got only 3 games so far... counterstrike, winning eleven and top spin... shall buy more games in the near future... battlefield 2, and prolly some racing games...

happy birthday to me...

sigh... ect is old... ect is 20 years old... one more year before i'm "officially" an adult... well, i guess being older, there'll be certainly more responsibilities and more decisions to make on my own... haha, as for now... i shall remain ect and young at heart... look at my pics, and u can tell that i still 长不大... haha... well, like it or not... not that i'm immature, but it's me that i wanna be ect and play with soft toys... hmm, it seems kindda scary that i may get married soon... the earliest... 6 years time... GOSH?! getting married in 6 years time?? i can't fathom that... 6 years ago, i was only sec2 and time just seemed to have zoomed past... and very soon i'll be 26!!! maybe i'm thinking too far... but it isn't that far away too... but i know for sure, that i'm not prepared for a marriage at the moment...

god only provide seeds...

pastor tang zhen xiong's sermons are great... they remind us of what is the essence of being a christian... he questions and challenges our faith... friday's easter sermon was quite interesting... he talked about the 3 types of laziness in humans, esp christians, who like to not do anything and pray for a miracle to happ...

laze 1 :: unknown laze
being to caught up with your own life, blaming everyone else, blaming god but yourself for your own mishaps...

laze 2 :: the one day syndrome
one day, i will be successful... one day, i'll grow closer to god... one day, i'll love my parents and friends more... one day, god will provide the neccesary grace for me... one day... one day... but in the end, nothing gets done...

laze 3 :: the minor laze
majority of the ppl belongs to this category... taking care of everything very well, except a certain aspect of your life...

well, he finished the sermon with quite an interesting story...

one day, a little gal went to a fruit shop owned by god... she saw the fruits on the shelves which were so beautiful... she asked god if she could have them and god replied "yes"... she asked if she could help her parents and siblings to get them too and god replied "yes"... so she was very happy, while god went to prepare what she wanted... when god came back and gave her what she wanted, she was shocked to see that there weren't any fruits but only seeds... and god said...

"my dear, i'll provide you with the seeds, you have to grow them into fruits yourself..."

s1...

i think i should be an s1... on wed, we were preparing for mea site visit on thurs morn... and ms chong, my new s1 was asking for the various tabulation of results and she wanted to know how we arrived at it and the justification... and apparently, all, i really mean ALL of the things (leap, idap, community hrs, blood donation, comm chest, learning hours, courses and so on...) she asked me, i answered her... my sudden revelation... i've been actually doing most of my previous s1, trini's work... in addition to that, i'm doing my own work with big projects like the taiwan trip and ofe... and jianwei is going to ord soon... this coming monday is the handing and taking over session... shucks... cannot le... it's gonna be super stressful, monitoring all these stuff... jialat man... i think i should pass the work back to ms chong... hopefully... actually, from what i see, i think the job of an s1 isn't that difficult, since i'm already experiencing it... u dun need a uni grad to do the job... seriously... well, it's always good to know everything... but i'll die of stress...

running...

quite a nice day...

went to semb camp for 5bx coupled with a run ard the camp... refreshing... good sleep on s4's new sunny... refreshed while working back in office... but still bz... wished that i can run and train in the morning and start work in the aftnoon... dream on...

well, the new atc batch is a mono intake... very different from the usual jc poly intake... sianz... i think weejin is gonna have a tough time handling them... but we shouldn't generalise so fast... however, according to results 4 years ago, the last time when atc had a mono batch, the drop out rate from the courses is 50%... oh well, i hope everything goes well...

btw, there was SAFSA SOCCER player posted to us as rigger and he has training 3 times a week... our unit is a very shiong unit so such training commitments will not be tolertated... guess what when oc atc sufaced the prob to cpc....

CPC POSTED HIM OUT IMMEDIATELY CUZ OF HIS HIGH TRAINING COMMITMENTS!!!


CPC PLEASE POST ME OUT NOW!!!

I BELONG TO SAFSA TRACK!!!

I WANNA TRAIN!!!

well, logistics meet is coming up... yay, it's really just nice 26th apr, just aft i come back from roc... i'm thinking of what events to take...

long jump - confirmed
triple, 200m, 400 hurdles, 800m - considering
4x400 - must (cuz there's shafiq and alex... should be a strong team)

good... i hope there'll be time to train in roc...

feeling ill again... i've got a feeling that i can somehow control my fever without taking med anymore... but i guess it's not fever now... it's just a weak feeling, fatigue... mental, physical, emotional... i'm zapped... i need a rest... really a rest... i dunno how long the rest will be... but i really need it...

童话

a nice new song by guang liang...

忘了有多久 再没听到你对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了 是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的 我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了

我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你

你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局

一起写我们的结局

scream my lungs out...

you've done it before, u can do it again...
nothing will impede you...
you will also not be alone...
but why do u still feel alone...
the nightmares will be over...
but when...
how long more can u hold on...



what is truth?
if 10 out of 10 ppl tell you the same thing, will u take it to be the absolute truth? or will u deny the truth? i would go for the truth... no more arbitary imagination...



anw, london community gospel choir was really great... 26 bucks for a solid whopping 3hrs performance... felt like a church service praise and worship too... it was engaging with the involvement of audience... we sang, harmonised to amazing grace and danced to the music... thankfully it wasn't like a trance like some churches, but then again, there were some overly zealous ppl, who nearly went bezerk... well, on the whole, it's great... i give it 2 thumbs up...

the next lap...

just thought that everything was over, stage two of the admin prep is here... another bz round of scrambling for info, photos, presentations, and very tight deadlines to meet with loads of other events and misc work to do...

having a fever now... the effect of overtaxing your body... training and working at the same time with minimal rest... i'll prolly get a few days of mc, but its really not the time to take any mc... things will start screwing up big time... and i dun wanna take too much med, cuz it'll send all my trainings back to square one...

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

i'm finally home early for the 1st time after dunno how many donkey years... went mindef for despatch with s4... had lunch with her at causeway pt and went to semb camp for some lame ofe cert presentation and came back... FINALLY... i get to have some rest... my long awaited rest... *yawnz* i'm really tired... still haven't recover from the sleep deficit last week...

hmm, it was great talking to s4... she's prolly the only person in my unit who can ustnd an athlete's pt of view... well, she was also aiming for sea games for dragon boat but thanks to the bz schedule, training plans have screwed up... well, it's the same for me... thought that i could apply for time off for training but now?? it's not possible anymore... well, told her that i'll be bringing my spikes to train over in taiwan... well, the probs that plagued saaa are also clear and present in the other NSAs too... well, she was really upset back in 03 when they called off the sending of the dragonboat team to vietnam... reason?? politics... and blah blah blah... well, it was great talking to her cuz she's prolly the only one in camp with the same freq on sports as me... hmm, we were discussing whether taking the specialist path is better... cuz being a degree holder among the WOSEs is like a gem while being a degree holder among the officer corps, is like a small fry, compared to the pres scholars... i guess, maybe it's betta to be a degree holder and be a spec cuz the chances of promotion is much higher...

listened to yoko ono's french album on my train ride home, good way to chill out... but couldn't help but feel alone... kindda lost when there's nothing to do... but it isn't good too when there's too many things to do... i shall slack today and not do anything much... wanted to train actualy, but i'm kindda lazy now...

it's coming soon... 8 apr... i really can't wait to go taiwan and enjoy myself there... maybe i should go hk too in june and shing kit can bring us ard...

as for now... i wanna sleep...

i broke a new record...

i just broke a new record today... *applause* my total working hours for these 5 days, 72hrs!!! that's like on par with theodric's houseman year sai gang in the hospital... and guess what time i left office?

05 mar 2005, 130am... wow, what a refreshing record...

well, thank you chief clerk, skyes, sheldon, kamal and devan for staying back together with me to complete the nominal rolls, pasting of photos, writing of fan ti chinese names... i really appreciate you guys for staying back... it makes me feel that my past few days of hard work has been worth it... well, at least it's 90% completed... some fine tuning to be done on mon before submission...

i'm tired...

well, if anyone insist that clerks are SLACK (no stay in, no guard duty, knock at 530 sharp)... he or she is absolutely wrong... it's sux okie (we stay in, we have guard duty and we only fall out at 630 on avg)... it totally sux to be doing all these sai gang... fortunately, i have my branch ppl to help... if it's not because of some garang "terror"'s altruism of volunteering to take up this sai gang, we would have enjoyed the amazing race today too... well, it seems that my branch ppl are kindda isolated from the rest of the unit cuz we miss lotsa unit level cohesion activities... come on man... it's not that we don't want to join, but we're just piled with sai gang to do... if we don't do, we get blamed, if we do, we'll also be marked for not attending the activities... this is super sai lar...

五马分尸 is prolly the 成语 to potray the qualities of an ideal clerk... i know wat is expected of us, to be able to attend all activities, to be happy, to be able to finish all the work with top quality... seriously i have to admit that, i was and i still am quite a perfectionist person, but i won't wanna sacrifice my "life" for some absurd altrusitic ideals of the "terror"... sometimes i will question myself... am i being too selfish by not wanting to sacrifice some of my time as part of my national service? but hello... this week's 70 hr work week example is a case in point that i'm way over working (standard working hrs is 42hrs)... it wasn't even like that back in ocs, though there were tough outfield training and tekan sessions, but doing so much sai gang simply sux... it is also different from studying... i think we're CRAZY... when we describe the work env and amount of work we have to do, it simply scares ppl off... i dun mind this 70 hr week for special events like this and the tsunami crisis... but it's going to carry on throughout the rest of this year, given the workplan and ppl in power...

i'm getting depressed... it's very evident that within the 7mths in this unit, i have witnessed a drastic drop in the env here... it's getting depressing day by day... ppl saboing each other... power hungry terrors, terrorising and insults ppl with crisp and cutting diplomatic remarks... these full blown insults haven't reached me yet, but soon... the day when i talk back to an officer bluntly, will be the day i'm totally pissed off... this is a very uncertain place, u'll never know what will happen any moment... i'm sick of this place...

my s1 is leaving and the new s1 may be another manifestation of the terror cuz they are good friends of similar backgrounds and freq... the only person to protect us will be chief, but even then, we'll be kindda helpless... i'll soon be the most senior clerk there and it's my duty and responsibility to fend off terrors, but please pray for me that i'll have the wisdom to know how to handle them...

depressed...

18 hours of clerical work...

the time is 402am and the date is 4 mar 05... today has been the longest work day i ever had in my entire army life... i've been working since 8am, 3 mar 05, clocking a total working time of 18 hours, excluding lunch and dinner... i think i'm the craziest clerk ard currently, but seriously i'm doing this cuz i dun wanna come back on sat to finish up this flight admin which has to be submitted on mon... i will make sure it'll all be done by 6pm today... no burning of fri and weekend... my colleagues shall do the sai gang (tagging and pasting photos, zapping nominal rolls, cutting papers, calling up ppl) for me tmr, while i refine the admin stuff...

reached camp at 730am, had lunch from 12-1pm, left camp at 11pm, had dinner from 1130pm to 12am and cont work at home... stopped work at 345am...

*yawnz* i'm going to sleep now... gotta be back in camp at 730am...

the tough time will be over soon... just gotta bear with it...

maybe it's destined for me not to be allowed to post harsh msgs... i should just calm down and forgive and forget...

terrors and madness...

calvin will not let ppl down...

haha, my foot... this is bad... being paid only $2.30 per hour and there is no OT pay for working late... haiz, this week is and will be kindda shiong... preparing stuff for taiwan exercise which has to be submitted by 7mar... spent my whole night typing FAN TI chinese characters in office... only left office at 2300hrs!!! well, i can't do my main work during office hours cuz there's just too much ad-hog things to settle... everything is coming in at the same time, it's becoming a mad house... sercurity check, charges, detention, monthly reports... and dunno wat's next... screwed up policies... inexplicable stress and tension... i really feel that i'm in 无间道... it has become a scary place to work it though it doesn't seem scary on the surface... still water runs deep...

oh well, gotta sleep now... tmr still gotta get to work at 7.20am... nitez ppl....