be strong...

had a weird dream last night... a really surreal one... felt as though it was real... maybe it's the subconscious part of me...

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i'm free... i wanna be free... i wanna fly... fly... i've been running alot, running non-stop... it's becoming an addiction now, it feels good to run or does it? maybe it's just the olympics fever... but maybe not... just finished 14 km last sat in 75mins, could have whacked to a 72 mins but my legs were giving way... my knees were hurting and i've a new right foot sole injury... i think it's prolly my arthritis condition acting on me again... gotta use tape to run now... i can't really walk properly these few days but i must run... sing open is this sat, i can't let the safsa 4x4 team down, i can't just excused myself from it, it's kindda irresponsible, although i really feel that alex should take my place, he's much faster than me now... our 4x4 is almost the national team already with 3 national runners, i don't wanna be the black sheep... i went training yest at AFS and did 300 + 100 interval trg (sprint 300 under 45 sec, rest for 15-20sec and sprint the last 100 under 15 secs) boy, it was tiring man, the last time i did it was in sec 3, indeed my headache came back again as usual due to lack of oxygen to my head... it felt terrible while going home, had prob breathing too, cuz of over piaing the 3+1 trg... anyway, had some comments and tips from alfred that my upper body is too gek when i run thus hindering my speed... well, this is a perpetual prob for me and it has been around since i started running, can't really change it... so the solution is to build up more body mass to control my upper body movt (ew... but i dun wanna be too bulky, it'll convert to fats when i don't train next time...) well, my running style really speaks of my character... you can tell a person's character from sports...

i'm an infant once again... i'm learning how to crawl again... i'm no longer the best, i may not reach that level again... i'm plagued by injuries too... what is my drive in keeping me running or jumping? was my dream a dream of the past... am i just clinging on to a dream that will only exist in my dreams... maybe not... 4 years have gone... what's 14km when i've done 31km before... what was the drive back then? i was running with solomon for 22km before my legs gave way, i really wanted to complete the marathon, my heart, my mind were willing but my body is not... why am i torturing myself by running such long dists (21km for ahm) or go for track training... quite many ppl have told me why run 21km when you are already pes C9? why train so hard when u'll increase your chances of getting guard duties cuz the commanders know that you're physically fit? i should just give up, i'm given this opportunity to rest my body with all the weird conditions, i shouldn't punish myself physically... but i just can't 'force' myself to run very very slowly for my ahm trg runs, it's just not me...

the more i run, the more i find myself... running long dists allows you to feel free, a sense of liberty... it helps you forget about work, probs and it energizes you... you'll feel very happy after a run, with all the 'happy' hormones filling your body... the longer the dist, the more tiring it gets, but the happier you get, you'll start smiling despite all the pain and fatigue... there will be some point of time, you really wanna give up, but you really don't wanna give up and once you pass the barrier, you'll feel free, you'll feel like flying... your legs will carry you on and on...

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
f or a moment like this
Some people search forever
for that one special kiss
Oh I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
for a moment like this

my dream? or your dream?

it's not over yet, it's never over... hold on to what you believe in... be strong...